Maternal Life
Come take a walk with me down memory lane as I recount the births of my 2 children, 16 and 14 years ago. WAIT! – keep reading – they are nice stories.
In my youth, most of the stories I had heard about birth were not affirming and at some point in my childhood I decided that I would not have children because birth just seemed too risky. Along my path, however, I started learning wholistic living and began to hear positive stories about birth. I now had a different set of choices. I learned about midwives, birth centers, homebirths, labor positions, water birth, the birthing family, birth tools, birthing chairs … and about the side effects of medicines used in labor. I am choosing to share my stories with you because they represent what I believe – that all women are capable of having an enjoyable birth experience.
Mtambuzi Mpokezi Mlimwengu. born March 24, 1991
I started feeling mild contractions, on Saturday, March 23 while I was having my baby shower. I was of the belief that what I was feeling was just Braxton Hicks and that they would soon go away. After 6 hours I came to realize that maybe I was in labor. I gracefully exited my own party and in the comfort of my own apartment tried not to panic.
Get some sleep
At 2am I called the midwives at the Maternity Center in NYC where I chose to give birth. Despite my urgency, the midwife on call assured me that I was not ready to deliver and told me I should try to get some sleep. Great idea – but hello?!!! – I’m in labor!!!! (I thought she was crazy). She also suggested that I take a bath and do the breathing I had learned in class. I did just that and even managed to get some sleep.
On my way
When morning came I called the Center again. They told me to come in, so I called my mother and she drove me to the birth center. For an undetermined amount of time, I endured every pothole, red light and short stop as my mother tried to maintain her calm as she drove me from Bedford Stuyvesant, Brooklyn to 92nd Street in New York City. Here’s a tip: Being in labor and a back seat driver at the same time is not a good mix.
Water Therapy
Shortly after my 8am arrival with husband, mother and friend Hafeezah in tow, the midwife examined me. I was 5 centimeters dilated with contractions about 5 minutes apart. The midwife broke my bag of water and told me I had a while to go. A walk around the block sounded like a great way to kill time. I can’t tell you how many people asked me if I wanted to go to the hospital and were shocked when I told them ‘no’. After a while, I returned and got into the shower to ease my discomfort. There I sat, for 45 minutes and felt no pain, just pressure and relief. The shower was huge, so Hafeezah joined me and massaged my shoulders and back and kept me in conversation. I had no concept of time or even when I should leave the shower. All I knew was that the water was magical.
Here we go
All of a sudden, I felt my self open up as if the baby was going to pop out. I ran out of the shower without a second notice of Hafeezah, or anything else for that matter. Modest me didn’t even stop to get my robe. I burst into the birthing room and demanded attention. A contraction came upon me and I felt an undescribable tightness in my belly that made me realize how much I wanted to be in the water again. I climbed onto the bed as the midwife got ready to check me. I was please to hear that I was 9 centimeters but disappointed that I was not 10 centimeters. It felt like I was never going to stop laboring. The midwife told me to push gently, but I was too afraid – how in the world was I going to get a human being out of my body. The thought was absolutely absurd!
Oh boy
Hafeezah gave me herbal tea to drink and Wakili massaged my aching lower back. Nonkululeko, a midwife friend, arrived and showed me how to push through my breath, instructing me to guide the energy down. Being on my back was not working for me as I was experiencing intense pain along with the urge to push. I had to get into the squatting position just like I saw in the books. My back was hurting. My belly was hurting. I was tired. I was hungry. Something had to change. Very slowly, and with support, I changed position while I pushed. This simple move must have taken about 15 minutes, but it was well worth it because it was less painful. Soon however, I felt the burn. Ohmygosh. That’s what the childbirth educator was talking about. The midwife reminded me not to push (so I wouldn’t tear), so I panted until I was relaxed again. Another push and I felt the head squeeze out of me. Wow. My baby is almost here. But wait!! I am not squatting. I want to squat. I insisted that I get help to move into the squating position, and I continued to maneuver myself until I got there. And finally, almost 40 minutes after I got out of the shower, out came the rest of the body – as I squatted. It was 11:38am. A boy. He cried. I cried. Soon after, my placenta was delivered and he was put on my breast. He latched on immediately.
Kiwelewa Kiwandani Mlimwengu, born December 24, 1992
Because I had such an empowering experience at the birthing center with my son, I decided to try birthing at home with midwife Nonkululeko. I suspected I was in labor on the evening of December 23, because I was feeling a mild tightness in my stomach area. I knew the baby was coming soon. It never occured to me that I would be laboring through the night. Around 11:30pm, the contractions got considerably stronger so I called my midwife. I estimated that it would be an hour before she arrived, however, at 12:45am she still had not come. I was concerned because my contractions were even more intense and getting closer together. Labor was moving along much faster than before. Also, we had just finished having a snow storm and she was traveling from Harlem to Brooklyn. Ohmygosh! Would she be able to make it – What if she didn’t – I didn’t want to think about it.
Bath this time
I did every position and every technique I could think of and then I decided to get in the water. The contractions were getting stronger and I was getting scared. I decided to take a bath, knowing that I would not be comfortable standing or sitting in my small shower. The water was good, but not as good as I remembered the shower was at the birth center. Wakili kept boiling water on the stove to keep my tub water warm. When the midwife arrived about 1 hour later, I was still in the tub. And I was elated that she had arrived.
Oh girl
After checking me, Nonkululeko suggested I try to get some sleep. (What’s with these midwives? I’m in labor???!) The midwife said I was not ready to push, although I felt like I was. I tried to relax. As we were all settling down in our respective spaces, I felt the urge to push … and I snuck a push … a small one. And then, all of a sudden my water broke. The midwife responded immediately and gave me permission to continue pushing after checking me. Apparently I progressed quickly. I repositioned myself to a hands and knees position on the cushioned floor in my Brooklyn apartment and pushed my daughter out about 30 minutes later, at 4:28am. She cried (even before her body was completely out). I cried. But I could not see her because she was behind me. While Nonkululeko held her, I turned and lifted my leg over my umbilical cord so that I could sit down. The midwife gave her to me and she was put the the breast immediately, even before the placenta was delivered. With a little assistance she latched on.
Kinyofu
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